Good things, Bad things, lack of blog-things.

Sometimes, I feel that I should simply not be writing a blog. Whilst I blather away on Twitter and IRC whilst doing other things, I prefer to be able to sit and plan out a blog post, in a way that I simply cannot do whilst I am concentrating on other tasks. Therefore, when it comes to busy weeks like the past few have been, I tend to slip up on the blog front – it’s not intentional, I promise! Things have just been a bit more hectic than I had expected the last few weeks, and free time has been at a premium.

However.

The main reason I started up the old Makeupless tumblr was to give myself somewhere to talk about my experiences – not just makeup-y ones, but feelings/health/general wanderings of my mind, and that’s what this place is for too. I should post here more, regardless of a ‘proper’ post or not.

This was going to be a long, ramble-y update that took in just about 3 weeks of stuff, but then 3 weeks became 4 and my blogging mojo is just gone at the moment, something which is much more irritating than it should be. My life has been continuing it’s usual pattern of ‘good thing, monumentally shit thing’ of late, which is about as fun as it sounds. SO, a brief rundown of good things/bad things -

GOOD
  • Daniel came down, and we fed the ducks and walked for several miles longer than we thought and had a picnic.
look, a haircut!
  • I got new glasses, which look awesome.
why yes I have an instagram problem why do you ask
  • I got a new job! No picture of this one, but I have moved to the optical department of the supermarket I work in and it’s a much, much better position than the old one I had on the checkouts. I get treated as a person, my boss is lovely, and the work is much more interesting and keeps me occupied, rather than leaving me spaced-out for hours at a time.
  • My appointments for the CFS/ME clinic have come through, as has the referal to the specialist at the hospital for my potential coeliacs/+lactose intolerance, so I should be getting a few more answers on the health front soon-ish.
BAD
  • Unfortunately, those referals took far, far longer than they should have done thanks to my doctor cocking up one thing and leaving another thing to ‘sort itself out’. I have a horrible feeling she is beginning to see me as a time-waster, which is really not the case! Things have been handed over to another doctor in the clinic, so hopefully things won’t take quite so long from now on.
  • I have no voice, at all, thanks to laryngitis. It’s been 5 days now, and two doctors appointments. The first doctor I saw told me it’s because I smoke & that it’s tonsillitis (before even taking a look at my throat) before deciding on acute epiglottitis after googling it in front of me. She then tried to prescribe me 3 things I am very, very allergic to, without checking my records once. Thankfully, the doctor I saw today was a little more sensible, told me straight off that it’s laryngitis and couldn’t have been more helpful. Things seem to go from one extreme to another for me with doctors!
  • Lack of voice means that my first week on the opticians hasn’t really gone that smoothly – I’ve been next to useless thanks to not being able to communicate properly with customers, and have now been instructed by the doctor to take time off to rest my throat. Meant to be back into work on Monday, but I think it’s going to be a waiting game.
  • I’ve come to the horrible realisation that I’m not going to be able to get my dissertation in this month as I had planned – my work in general is still suffering thanks to my lessened concentration and constant tiredness, and it’s looking more and more like Christmas is a more realistic aim. Again, I am taking more time than I should have with my degree, and it hurts. This isn’t even going into the mess the university have made of another resubmission of mine, but I am too angry about that to properly write about it on here right now.

On balance, it’s been an interesting few weeks. Difficult, I’ll be honest, and I have a tendency to curl up in a ball at the end of the day and hope it all goes away, but I always get up in the morning and carry on.

Fuck yeah ratatat.

It’s ten to seven in the morning. It’s raining, I’ve had five hours of sleep. My bus is late. I don’t give no kinds of shit. Life sometimes is fucking awesome. The sky looks like a freeze frame flash of divine conflict, black scars winding around great beings cast violently against the blue beautiful sky. The rain feels like soft beats of a celestial song, pitter patting its heavenly rhythm against hard tarmac and gentler green. Against tired skin, refreshing against scarred and clear flesh alike. Soothing.

I have ratatat caressing my inner ear with a beat so solid, so profound. So complete in its precipitous and so very desirable insidious reach, crawling around my spine in a near orgasmic flutter as each song hammers home and through to the soundtrack of thunder and patter.

Life is awesome. I have the most beautiful girlfriend whom I dream about so often, love so intently that my very being quiver in anticipation of inane conversation. Eyes are their own reflection, what you see is your own window to the soul.

I might be tired, wet, late, but the world is beautiful. You are beautiful so I say with expertise and authority.

FUCK YEAH SEAKING.
FUCK YEAH PIKACHU.

FUCK YEAH RATATAT.

FUCK YEAH WORLD.

FUCK YEAH LIFE.

Bring it all on. Cuntbags and dickshits and arseholes and all.

The problem with Stealth

In a pen and paper rpg,  there are many components that seem present in many of the mainstream games, and certainly exist in most full stop. You have conflict resolution, you have social encounters and, somewhere along the line, you have subterfuge and stealth.

I’ve Gm’d quite a few games over the years. Paranoia, In Nomine and most recently DnD Fourth edition. As we all know, 4e is serious business and as such stealth can have a dramatic and meaningful impact on the general flavour and often success of a game. Many games have some kind of stealth skill or power. These allow players to actively engage in dubious behaviors hopefully without getting caught red handed with the hand in the vorpal magic cookie jar. These attributes often provide depth and flavour to a character and enable a party to achieve many goals through means other than direct involvement. Similarly it enables GM’s to be much more creative with how the party experience the world giving another set of variables to play with, on top of straight up sword to shield sexiness.

In the campaign I am running at the moment, the party were entrusted with a secret mission. They must infiltrate a group of farmers being shipped out to the feywild to help them get past the guards around the portals, then move on covertly to ambush a very important convoy. What I noticed in this process is that the party’s level of success ultimately derived from their inaction. Over the night situated in a crowded warehouse full of other workers, when stuffed in the cargo hold of a zeppelin and shipped over, had they done much in the way of cause a ruckus, the game would be up and they’d have to find other ways to secure access to the feywild.  There, certainly, isn’t necessarily any problem with that. Had the party wanted to commit mutiny on the airship, kill or capture the crew and take it over, becoming skyfaring pirates I would have been happy to oblige and it certainly would have been an entertaining adventure or two. It would not, however of been the adventure planned nor would the quality of such an encounter be to the same degree as the planned exploits I have for them. Even from the most accommodating and quick thinking GM, players departing the path of stealth are actively penalised and sometimes this is appropriate. When the players choose to do something silly or stupid it is somewhat reasonable their path be less than smooth, player actions in rpgs should have consequences for their characters, otherwise there is no sense of immersion or impact.

Yet, how does one construct an adventure around a stealth mission, where in fact the process of inaction yields the best results? At all stages of the infiltration, the party had to remain in character pretending to be simple peasant farmers, not reveal they were in fact, the Architects of Loss, a brave group of fearsome warriors(apparently) and in this process a part of the rpg experience is lost. It becomes a process of meta game over character principles where the players choose to remain silent where perhaps their characters might not, all to hold to the mission rather than play the game itself. In light of these experiences it does seem to me that there are a few things about stealth missions that should be actively considered when plotting out one.

Firstly, that a stealth mission should not require inaction to succeed, rather it should require action. Instead of casting scenarios in which the players actions will reveal them, pose scenarios in which the players inaction will reveal them. Where my players were stuffed in the cargo hold along with the other farmers, acting anything other than scared, powerless farmers would have gotten them into quite a world of trouble. Getting players to infiltrate somewhere via the powerless will strip the power from the players, thus providing a vehicle of stealth that retains some authority and strength will enable the players to maintain motion and momentum, provide them with the tools to make choices, some of which might unmask them, others may strengthen the facade.

Secondly, it is important not to necessarily punish the players for acting as their characters would, despite the imperative towards stealth. The Lawful Good Dragonborn Fighter is not going to be able to step aside when you’re ordered to butcher the surrendered citizens of Unlucky Town number Seven. Placing the party in a situation where they must choose between their characters morality, ethics and religious beliefs and their stealth can be an incredibly useful tool, but not one that should be used incidentally or without an endgame in mind. Taking these things into account can help prevent that dilemma between the meta game and the reality of their characters.

Thirdly, stealth is not for everyone. Whilst it is a useful tool there are some players that just aren’t interested, or very good at it. Whilst I personally feel this principle should come under the same general principle that bad Rpers shouldn’t be punished, good ones should be rewarded it is all too easy to punish the group because one player isn’t very good at phrasing things the right way. Paranoia as a game is a particularly good example of how using the wrong words can get a person killed. However, even in that game its important to distinguish between what a player says because they’re not very good at getting into the role or understanding the setting and what a player says because they’re role playing a character not very good at stealth.

Ultimately stealth is a fantastic tool for the GM and the party. It lets them see sights they wouldn’t ordinarily see, influence events in worlds supposedly beyond their power but it is a tricky tool to use, one I am still getting used to and many of the mistakes I relate above are ones I’ve committed myself at one time or another.  Certainly there are many other ways of making stealth an effective interesting and dynamic part of game play and I’m interested in any other ways Gm’s and players might use stealth in active enjoyable ways for everyone.

Tonight, in D&D

<Loaf> So

<Loaf> To recap

<Loaf> I’m a dwarf with a worrying obsession with his hammers, based on Brian Blessed, who now rides Pinkie Pie, who eats pretty much everything, including rats.

<Loaf> And people say D&D is serious?

<Djones> And you squashed Tinkerbell

<Loaf> …that was Tink?

<Loaf> I am a terrible person.

Djones’ Guide to Dungeons

Here’s a short list of how to dps a dungeon, any dungeon(hell or raid) in WoW.

Don’t stand in fire.

Don’t pull aggro.

Don’t be a bloody moron.

Don’t be a dick.

Don’t stand in front of mobs if you’re melee

Don’t attack something the tank hasn’t attacked.

Don’t stand in fire.

Interupt shit, yo.

Don’t burst aoe on the pull.

Use omen.

You can’t do dps if you’re dead.

 

Following this short and simple guide will allow you to achieve all your goals.

A health update.

11am

Sat outside the dietician’s office, waiting to be called in. This is the follow-up to my appointment two weeks ago, and it’s where I will be provided with an analysis of my eating habits and whether I really have developed some kind of food allergy, or if instead I just happen to have an overly sensitive stomach. I’m pretty nervous, to tell you the truth.

Food has always been a little bit problematic for me – according to my parents, I would eat anything they put in front of me as a baby, but grew more and more fussy as I got older. By the time I was 16, the range of foods I ate was severely limited, and usually the same colour. The only vegetable I’d touch were peas, and even then I would eat no more than a spoonful at a time, with something else. Taste wasn’t the issue for me – the problem I had, and still have to some extent is texture. The texture of certain foods is enough to leave me feeling quite ill, and it can take a lot of willpower to get over that. I’m better than I used to be, and just hope that this is reflected in the food diary I handed over a week ago. Time to go in – wish me luck.

-

22.45pm

Now, I am sat in my bed, processing the appointment earlier and the outcomes of said appointment. Straight off, the dietician (who is lovely, I should add) told me that the analysis of my average food intake is getting me the right amounts of vitamins and minerals for the most part – hurrah! The only thing needing immediate correction is my calcium intake, which is half of what it should be thanks to my avoidance of dairy products. It’s simple enough to fix, and I’ve been furnished with a handy booklet of the best foods for containing calcium and the levels they contain. It’s important to keep these levels up, of course, because a sip in calcium levels now could contribute to osteoporosis later in life. More important, the dietician is pretty convinced she knows what’s causing all these problems.

She suspects I have a gluten allergy, or coeliacs disease, which causes all kinds of nasty side-effects – one of which can be a development of a lactose intolerance. It’s pretty rare, she told me, for food intolerances to develop out of nowhere (coeliacs is a little different in that it can take a while for things to become apparent.) Both would explain the problems I have been having with food over the past few months, and could also be contributing to my general lack of well-being. I’ve been referred back to my GP for the time being for both tests to check for a lactose intolerance, as well as another endoscopy/biopsy to check for the presence of a gluten allergy. I say ‘another’ because this has all happened before, just over two years ago.

After I first took time out from university due to ill health, coeliacs was suggested, and what followed was a good three months or so of being passed from specialist to specialist at the hospital, each one telling me that yes, I was exhibiting all the classic symptoms. However, when it came to the endoscopy, biopsy and blood tests to confirm coeliacs, there was no trace of it to be found. The doctor who carried out  the procedure told me I was fine, no problems, go and eat a nice slice of cake. My symptoms did subside a little as my general health went back up to a more ‘normal’ level, and the idea of me having coeliacs seemed to be forgotten – my GP has certainly never followed it up since then, despite undiagnosed coeliacs being a common reason for low iron levels in people (my iron levels still stubbornly refuse to rise, despite taking tablets on and off for the past 4 years.) Hopefully, this time will not be like that again – the dietician has advised me not to cut out gluten for the time being, and to try and eat a ‘normal’ amount where possible so that there is no chance that cutting back on eating gluten could affect the tests this time round.

I am quietly hopeful that this time, there will be some kind of answer for the problems I have been having. I am still waiting on a rheumatology appointment, but have heard from the local CFS clinic, and they have told me they will be in touch once the doctor I have been referred to has had chance to look over my records. Any answer would be nice at this point, even if it just gives me an answer when people ask ‘so, what’s wrong with you?’

A big thanks to all the lovely people on Twitter today who have offered help and advice – I have a feeling that it’s all going to come in rather useful over the next few months! I shall leave you on a cute note, with one of my favourite pictures from the internet – it never fails to make me smile, no matter how I am feeling.

 

brushie brushie brushie

 

Late night LoL

It’s 2am. 2 friends and I are playing League of legends. It’s too hot to sleep. It’s barely cool enough to breathe.

Swain+veigar+Fiddlesticks. Hilariful.

The Spotify Game

Step one: Take a band you like

Step two: Click one of the related artists, but only if they have a picture.

Step three: Click a non pictured related artist 3-5 more times, randomly.

Step four: Listen to the first song of the current artist, attempt to navigate back to original artist only by listening to the first song and then clicking a related artist.

Increase difficulty by clicking more non pictured artists in step three.

If on step two, there are no non pictured artists, pick something less mainstream. Seriously. For bonus points pretend you’ve known about the bands you go through ALL ALONG and laugh at your friends for not knowing.

Loaf’s Afternoon

What’s this? Windows 7 needs updating? Oh, alright then.

Hey, that was pretty painless! Why do I always put off updates so long?

Oh, there are more updates? Why didn’t they go with the ones half an hour ago… Nevermind, let’s install them now.

All updates finished! I’ve even updated
my drivers, I’m awesome with computers today.

A crash? Oh. Well, ok, I’ll reboot and it’ll be fine.

Two more crashes in half an hour… Guess something went wrong. Let’s system restore to earlier.

No system resto- what? I always have restore points.

No system restore and another crash. Great. Let’s uninstall the update.

What do you mean, you’ve frozen uninstalling it? Reboot.

Things are working fine, I guess.

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